The Truth
by I'mADisgrace
Summary: Sirius is dead. Whilst cleaning out his room, Remus and Tonks learn a truth he never did. Regulus was more complicated than his brother ever thought, and was far more than just a Death Eater.
1. Chapter 1

Tonks bit at the corner of her finger nail, making into even more of a jagged stump than usual. This habit came with boredom and when she was trying to distract herself, and right now she was experiencing both.

The order was in mourning, Sirius was dead, and with him, their spirits.

She was also waiting on Remus, who was cleaning out some of Sirius' things, being one of the few who could hold it together long enough to do anything (as long as he was with someone else that is, if he were by himself with all of Sirius' belongings he likely would have been a mess too), and he was also ignoring her, somewhat because he was so shaken by the death of his friend, but mostly out of awkwardness- they still hadn't established anything between them despite her advances and his obvious interest (not that Tonks was being particularly flirtatious at the moment, she was too sad to even think about romance, her cousin was dead after all).

She sat cross legged on Sirius' bed, hunched and cold, the entire house had been cold since he died, at least, it seemed that way. Her hair was black, both in mourning and to show respect to the family- She hated her Black heritage, but Sirius had been a Black and he always found it funny when she made her own hair the family colour, saying that it made her look like his little brother before he went through his 'punk phase' and was stuck miserably as an 'emo kid'.

As Tonks played with a scraggly loose thread on the duvet beneath her, there was a thump from the wardrobe and Remus coughed severely,

"Are you okay?" she asked, watching as the shadow moved in the wardrobe,

"Yes" Remus replied, stumbling from the wooden box, dust covering his shoulders and hair and several stacked items in his arms, "Careful" he then warned, moving over to the bed.

Tonks scooted out of the way and he dropped the junk onto the bed, coating the entire spread with pale grey dust,

"What is all of this?" she said curiously, tugging a few items out of the pile,

"I'm not sure, it was haphazardly stacked right at the back on the top shelf" Remus answered sitting on the bed on the other side of the heap,

"Sounds like Sirius" the metamorphmagus said softly, watching as the man pulled a shallow wooden box out from the collection of items, "What's that?" she asked as he blew thick dust off of it,

"Sirius' memory box from the last year of school" he answered,

" _Sirius_ had a 'memory box'?" her eyebrows rose,

"He fondly referred to it as his 'box of stuff'" Remus said as he fiddled with the side of the box-clearly it was some kind of puzzle box.

Tonks waited patiently and soon the box was open revealing a stack of polaroid images and a few small items,

"Here" the brunette said handing her the pictures,

She began to shuffle through them, reading the small titles that came with them, written in Sirius' scribbly handwriting.

First was an image of Sirius, Remus, James and Peter titled 'The Marauders', each of them were in uniform, although looking more than a little scruffy, and Sirius even had his tie wrapped around his head like a headband.

The next image was a larger group, apparently the Marauders and their extended friend group as it was headed with 'The kids'. It showed Sirius, Remus, James, Peter, Frank Longbottom, Alice Hall, Lily Evans, Marlene McKinnnon and several others Tonks couldn't say she could name.

The next image in the stack was not a polaroid, but four images from a photo booth cut out individually. They showed Sirius and Marlene. In the first they were smiling normally, but in the second they were both pulling goofy faces. The third image showed Sirius looking a little surprised as Marlene had her lips pressed chastely to his cheek, and the final showed the same sort of pose but in reverse. Marlene was clearly mid laugh, and Sirius had his arms wrapped around her, his lips against her cheek.

The images went back to polaroid's after that.

The next was taken in a transfiguration lesson apparently, as it had Sirius and James in the foreground pulling stupid faces as Professor McGonagall stood in the background with her back to them, writing on the black board- it was titled 'Messing with babe'.

'Lads at the Three Brooms' was the title of the next image, and as expected, it showed Sirius, Remus, James and Peter all sat around a table in The Three Broomsticks, several glasses of varying sizes on the surface between them. It was likely that the four of them were drunk, all of them but Remus probably.

'The pack' depicted the marauders in animagus form and with Remus as a werewolf. Peter as a rat sat a top Sirius' head, James stood proudly in the middle and Remus stood hunched off to the side, afraid to be so close even as a werewolf and with his friends as animals- Tonks wasn't sure how exactly the picture was taken.

The last image, lovingly called 'Mischief' showed all four marauders beaming brightly, their faces just visible inside of a gap in James' invisibility cloak. Sirius was at the centre, holding the camera so he could take the picture, Peter was ducked down under his left arm, James leant over his right shoulder, his hands around the other boy's neck and Remus was just to Sirius' right, smiling softly.

Tonks then looked up to see that Remus was sorting through the items from the box.

There was a crumpled packet of cigarettes that still contained a few sticks, a piece of card cut into a pentagon that depicted a little image of Sirius showing off his reasonably muscled arms, and some writing (a fake chocolate frog card), a little paper crane made out of a Drooble's bubble-gum wrapper, a few stubs from a cinema, a broken shot glass, a grey beanie hat with a large hole in and a small silver ring with a little arrow decorating one side of the loop.

"I didn't know Sirius was so sentimental" Tonks smiled brightly,

"It was his little 'secret'" Remus answered, a small smile finding its way onto his lips too,

The woman began to look over the rest of the stuff piled between them, wondering if she were likely to find anything else revealing about her cousin,

Her eyes fell on a very dusty looking wrapped package, and she reached into the heap to pull it out.

The rectangle was small and it fit in the palm of her hands, it was wrapped in what felt like mole skin and the wrapping was held on with a tightly knotted piece of string,

"Do you recognise this?" Tonks asked holding it out to Remus,

He looked at it, a little confused, "No" he shook his head, taking it from her.

He turned over the small item to find that a small card was tucked into the string. The brunette tugged the envelope out and turned it over, finding that it was sealed with wax,

"Maybe it's from Sirius, open it!" the metamorphmagus said at seeing the note, hoping beyond hope that Sirius had planned ahead and left them some kind of message in case he died unexpectedly,

Remus tugged at the back of the envelope and the wax came away from the paper, he then slid the small note out and unfolded it,

"It's addressed to Sirius" he said after reading the first line, "But it looks like he never opened it",

"Oh" Tonks frowned.

"Dear Sirius" Remus then began, reading the note loud, "I know we had our differences, and that you don't trust me, but I promise you, you don't know the whole story. You're in Azkaban for a crime you didn't commit, and by the time you get out, if you ever do, I have a feeling that I'll be dead. This small book is filled with the truth, I hope you read it and forgive me",

"Who's it from?" Tonks asked,

"R.A.B"


	2. Chapter 2

**I had a great response from the first chapter and I'd really just like to say a massive thank you to everyone**

 **However, I am conscious of the fact that my title and description were a little vague, and that perhaps a few of you may have been misled a little.**

 **This story isn't wolfstar, and it isn't really about Tonks and Remus. This story is a fairly uncommon pairing, so just bear with me and if you don't like the pairing then I'm sorry, but the pairing really interests me and I like writing it.**

 **Just a heads up- didvoldemortjusthonk (Jess)**

0o0o0

Sirius.

I'm not a bad person. I swear to you, everything I did, I did for the greater good, and for someone who meant more to me than anyone else ever has.

For you to understand a lot of this story, you've got to know that it isn't just about me, it's about me and a boy, a boy who became a man that I'm sure you've heard of.

I don't know what it was about him. People thought he was peculiar but I just thought he was wonderful…

0o0o0

Regulus sat with his head propped up on his fist, entirely oblivious to his surroundings and those sat with him, all but one that was.

Bartemius Crouch Junior.

Barty.

Regulus smiled at the boy, who was playing absentmindedly with the strap of his satchel. He was folding it over and over, making it shorter and then snapping it back into shape, pulling both ends of the strap so it lay flat in front of him. The teen then looked up and caught the other boy's expression; he smiled back brightly.

Barty was sweet really, odd yes, but sweet.

Regulus adored the summer time, they'd sit under the tree by the black lake; the sun would stream through the bright leaves of the tree and catch the teens straw coloured hair, making the dull strands shine. His eyes always seemed bigger at summer too, they were two large brown circles that Regulus could just get lost in.

As much as he liked to see Barty in summer however, there was a place Regulus liked seeing him even more.

The ravenette rounded from sitting on his backside to kneeling on the grass, the soft earth moving under him and probably earning him two muddy knees. He then shuffled forward and leaned so he could whisper to Barty.

The boys brown eyes widened slightly and whatever it was Regulus had said, and he then laughed, nodding a little,

"Stop flirting you two" Evan Rosier scowled at them as they stood from the group, teasing them as he usually did.

They had been sat amongst a large group of Slytherin's who had all taken refuge from the sun under the tree's branches,

Regulus nudged Barty who was now stood next to him gently, and sniggered,

Barty nodded back, "We'll be back later" he then told the group, and the two teens began away from the tree, heading over the grass to the castle.

0o0o0

Regulus let his eyes flutter closed as his fingers slipped into Barty's hair.

He loved the feeling of the boy's lips on his collar. His lips were chapped because he always bit them too much (despite Regulus telling him not too constantly), but the other teen liked the feeling all the same. There was something just very intimate about these exchanges, they were even more intimate than the sex they followed, it was just a time of simply being with each other, lying in the dark and holding one another.

Barty's arms had clearly gotten tired, as he couldn't hold himself up over Regulus anymore. He let their chests touch and he rested his head on the ravenette's shoulder.

Regulus wrapped his arms around the smaller boy's waist and sighed softly for what felt like the hundredth time that afternoon,

"I love you" the Black whispered, his eyes still closed,

"I love you too" Barty replied, his fingers now tracing small lines on the other boy's chest.

They were sixteen and madly in love.

0o0o0

I suppose this is also my way of 'coming out' to you.

Yes, I was in love with Barty, and yes we had sex regularly.

But it was more than that. I would've protected him with my life, and it killed me to see what he became, it still does. In fact, I don't think I'll never not regret every sign I missed or ignored. He turned into something awful, a monster parents warn their children about. I told myself that the beast was just on the outside, that on the inside, what I saw when he was just with me, he was still the same sweet boy I fell in love with. It took me time to realise, but I learnt that truly there was nothing left of Barty Crouch, not really.

I was in love with a dead boy.

I probably died for that dead boy too.

Perhaps they'll say I died for love? It's somewhat true I suppose, and I'd rather be remembered as a romantic than a monster.

I can't say the same for Barty Crouch though. All the love in him is gone.

I sometimes wonder if it was my fault that he took the path he did.

Could I have been more affectionate? Attentive? Ardent?

But it's been a year now, and I know that if anything, he was the problem. I think I can say that with a certain degree of surety.

He was twisted, and being with him was starting to twist me. He would whisper things to me, dark things that disturbed me, until one day they didn't- not as much. What he would say would make more and more sense in my mind, and I doubted everything.

And then it came, the day he told me the most terrifying thing I'd ever heard.

We were spending the summer together in Barty's tiny apartment, just two seventeen year olds falling into darkness, one of us irreversibly.

He'd been taking drugs, a lot of drugs, some 'friends' had introduced him to the 'recreation' and he'd overdosed more than once.

The day I found him passed out in the bathroom I put my foot down. I got rid of his stash and told him that I'd leave him if he didn't stop. The things he said when he was high were beyond insane.

But he started again after six months. He was taking them right under my nose, and it's still one of my regrets that I didn't notice.

The day he told me that awful, despicable thing, he was high. But I knew he meant every word he said.

0o0o0

Regulus entered the apartment and immediately dropped his bag at his feet. He sighed raggedly and put his head in his hands.

Life at home had never been so bad- his mother had banned Sirius from ever entering the house again, and had burnt his name from the family tree.

The teen then looked up with a sudden realization.

It was very dark in Barty's apartment, far darker than usual.

Regulus closed the front door behind him and slowly crept further into the living room, fearful of what he might find. Barty wasn't there though.

"Barty?" He asked cautiously,

No answer came and so he began down the small corridor just off to the side of the living room.

Regulus paused briefly at the door to the bathroom and opened it slowly, hoping that if he was going to be faced with the same scene as he had six months ago, that he wasn't too late. The room was empty however and breathing a sigh of relief, he moved onto the bedroom.

Barty was indeed in the bedroom. He was sat on the bed, his back to Regulus as he entered. The ravenette could see that the mans shoulders were shaking,

"Barty?" He asked softly, his hand slipping off of the door handle,

He turned. The look in his eyes was maniacal, and his smile was huge, "Reg!" He cheered upon seeing the other man. His bright look then dropped however and he turned suspiciously to look at one of the windows. They were all covered by thick closed curtains except for one that was letting in a small crack of light,

Barty jumped to his feet and stormed over to the curtains, yanking them closed with the fabric bunched up in his grasp, he then turned on Regulus again and smiled,

"Privacy" he laughed.

He then began towards the other man, his arms held wide to embrace him,

The ravenette blocked his arms from finding hold however, his face stern,

"What've you taken Barty?" He asked seriously,

The man laughed and pulled up the left sleeve of his shirt, nearly keeling over as his feet couldn't stay flat on the ground,

"The usual" he sniggered, revealing a piece of plastic tubing tied tightly around his upper arm and a bloodied bandage taped to his forearm.

Regulus grabbed his wrist, "What the hell is that?" he asked, staring at the bandage,

"Oh!" Barty exclaimed pulling his arm away from the other man, it was almost as if he'd forgotten about whatever was under the gauze until this moment and was fascinated by it, "Do you want to see?" he asked with a sly smile, "Come on, come on!" he said eagerly, taking the ravenette's hand and leading him to the bed.

They sat on the mattress, Regulus extremely uncomfortable and Barty sitting cross legged like a child,

"You want to see it?" he asked, picking at the tape that kept the bandage on his arm,

"Come here" the other sighed, taking the boys arm and resting it in his lap.

He pinched one loose corner of the bandage and ripped it off in one swift movement,

In that moment, Regulus' heart sank.

A black skull marred Barty's pale skin, a dark serpent slithering from its open mouth,

"What have you done?" the ravenette whispered after having stared at the tattoo in silence for over five minutes,

"It's like we always said Reg" Barty replied brightly, raising his hands and taking the other man's face into his grip, tilting up so that their eyes met- his face was possessed by a smile, so huge, it was almost sickening to look at.

"What are you saying?" Regulus asked, staring into his eyes, the brown darkened like it was cast in shadow,

"We'll get you your mark, we'll get you in and then we'll be with him, we'll be together and we'll be with him and we'll rule" Barty answered, clearly entirely convinced by his own words,

"I don't know-

"We'll be together".

Regulus was terrified, and as Barty guided his lips to his own, he hesitated for the first time.

0o0o0

You'd call me an idiot.

If you'd have known that I was with in this situation I know that you would have come to that apartment and dragged me out- you probably would've slapped some sense into me too.

Barty pulled me down with him. I was trapped.

0o0o0

Regulus swallowed as bile crept up his throat. He then flinched as a pair of hands appeared over his shoulders and rested on his chest,

"Good work Barty" Bellatrix said as she ran her hands up Regulus' chest and cupped his chin- he could hear her smirk as she spoke,

Barty smiled at the woman,

"Roll your sleeve up sweetheart" Bellatrix whispered softly, her lips an inch from the ravenette's ear,

Before Regulus could even move, the blonde on his left rolled his sleeve up for him, smiling eagerly as he did so.

"Barty I- I don't know about this" Regulus stuttered,

"It'll be fine" he assured him,

Bellatrix removed her hands from his body and cackled, "It'll hurt though" she said taking her wand out and leaning over the man to press it against the soft skin on the inside of his wrist,

Barty suddenly looked a little guilty, until a thought apparently struck him.

He reached beneath the couch that Regulus lay on and produced a box; from within the box he brought a length of tubing and a syringe, both items far too familiar to Regulus,

"No" the ravenette said, trying to lift his left arm to push away Bellatrix's wand and Barty's hands,

"It'll help" the man replied, holding down his arm, "It'll make the pain go away",

Without another word Barty then tied the pipe around the top of Regulus' arm, whispering "it won't hurt" as he did so. And Regulus let him…

0o0o0

I didn't remember much after that.

What I do remember is pain, and a lot of it.


	3. Chapter 3

For a short time, I was lost in this odd blind feeling I'd found in being marked. I'm still not sure whether it was from receiving my mark or from whatever it was Barty was slipping me, but it wore off after a few weeks, then I was just numb. Apart from the pain in my arm and the guilt in my heart of course.

0o0o0

Regulus stared down at Barty's sleeping face.

It was late, or early, he wasn't sure which, all he knew was that it was dark out.

Barty had fallen asleep hours ago, now acting as a heavy weight in Regulus' arms, preventing him from moving an inch.

It was nearly a whole month since he'd had the dark mark carved into his skin, and it still felt like lightning zipping though his veins under the surface it was etched across,

Regulus' right arm was trapped under the smaller man, but he could just see his left over the others shoulder. Still fearful of seeing the dark tattoo on his pale skin, the ravenette turned over his arm so he could look at the soft under skin of his wrist.

It was ghastly. It disgusted him now. It left a cold feeling in the pit of his stomach when he thought about it, so seeing it, even in the sparse light was like ice reaching his heart.

Other than the pain Regulus felt, he was also experiencing a battle within his soul.

He loved Barty, but he hated what was happening to them.

A thought kept entering his mind. At first he ignored it because he didn't want it to be true, but it was becoming abundantly clear that it was the only solution.

He knew he'd have to give something up.

The man he loved, and the safety his loyalty and dark mark gave him.

Or his conscience. His morals. His self.

Barty looked particularly peaceful while he slept, nothing like how he was when he was awake. It was a welcome change now. The only trace of the sweet boy Regulus fell for was found while he slept.

Were they even in love anymore?

The Black was starting to think that perhaps they weren't.

Maybe he was just in love with the idea of being in love?

His time with Barty before the drugs and the Death Eaters was incredible, he'd loved every moment of it, but those days were truly over.

Barty certainly wasn't in love anymore. He was in lust with Regulus, and he clung to him for attention, raving about his joy that they were in this situation together, "Oh, the things we'll do together" he kept saying.

Regulus felt a hole forming within him at the idea that their love was dying, if not dead already.

A hot bead dropped from the corner of the ravenette's eye, and it ran over his cheekbone, soaking into his pillow,

He was crying for the first time since receiving his mark, and honestly, he was relieved.

Surely it proved that he still had at least some of his humanity? He wasn't lost to the Death Eaters just yet.

That made the decision a little easier.

0o0o0

I left him, and for that, I truly am sorry.

Not for Barty, for everyone else.

From what I heard, it really pushed him over the line. He became angry, depressed, sick.

He killed a lot of people, and I can't help but feel like it was my fault.

I didn't even tell him, I left a note on our bed and I ran away.

0o0o0

Barty woke and immediately knew that something was wrong.

The bed was cold and so was he, Regulus' arms that usually kept him so warm absent.

On the pillow in place of the ravenette's head was a folded note,

 _'Barty,_

 _I can't do this,_

 _I'm scared, and the only way to stop being scared is to either give into it, and become a Death Eater, or to get away from what's making me so scared._

 _I choose the second._

 _The prospect of being a Death Eater scares me, but in all honesty, I've come to fear you too._

 _You scare me Barty, the things you say and do terrify me and I need to get away._

 _I'm sorry, I can't be with you anymore._

 _I hope you get out of the dark before it's too late._

 _-R.A.B_

Barty crumpled the note up in his hand as soon as had finished reading it. He squeezed it tight and threw it to the ground, his hands shaking as rage overtook him,

The man then clambered from the bed and kneeled by the side of it, reaching under the frame to find an old wooden box that he kept there,

The Slytherin opened it and grabbed the makeshift tourniquet, tying it around his arm, using his teeth to hold it in place and yank it tight.

0o0o0

I saw him one more time after that, and he was changed.  
At first the meeting was one of the more terrifying things I've ever experienced, but then I couldn't help myself. I was convinced that the was still a glimmer of Barty in there and I made a mistake.

0o0o0

Regulus' legs were moving under him faster than they ever had before. He was being chased through the back roads that intertwined with Knockturn alley, running for his life as a hoard of Death Eaters pursued him.  
A loose cobble nearly tripped him, but he leapt over it, his coat billowing behind him as he went,  
The ravenette was heading towards a tricky turn that he knew well, hoping that it would be cast in enough shadow at this time of day for him to hide.  
Regulus reached the turn and threw himself into the dark corner just past the alcove,  
He listened, with his heart in his throat to see if they were following him around the corner, but the rattling of feet faded into a different direction after a few minutes.  
He sighed and slumped against the wall. It'd only been a few weeks, but rumors suggesting that his loyalty to the dark lord was gone had spread quickly- Regulus was half sure that if he were to talk to the Death Eaters instead of running from them, that he could probably lie his way into their good graces, convincing them that the rumors were just that, fallacy; the teen didn't want to put that to the test though.

Regulus was pretty certain he was safe, but if anyone was going to find him, it was obviously going to be him.

Barty stepped from the alcove and his eyes immediately fell on the other Slytherin,

The blonde had never looked so ragged. His eyes seemed sunken and darker, even his skin was paler and he appeared to have lost a lot of weight in the little time that had passed.

"…Barty I-" the ravenette cut himself off, his throat too dry to articulate anything and his nerves making his heart race,

The blonde looked back through the alcove and his tongue twitched from his mouth, licking his bottom lip, "There's no sign of him this way!" he called back down the alley from where he'd come, "Keep looking",

Regulus straightened up against the wall a little, watching the other teen with confusion as he did, "Why-"

Barty quickly advanced on him before he could finish, and he trapped him against to the wall, his arms either side of him.

"What're are you going to do?" the Black asked softly, terrified by the darkness in the other's eyes,

In the next second their lips were pressed harshly together, Barty having forced the kiss upon the ravenette,

Their eye met again once their lips parted,

"Come with me Reg" …

…Regulus stared down at his feet, his elbows resting on his bent knees.

A slender arm wrapped around his middle and Barty placed his angular chin over his shoulder, "What's wrong?" his question came in a gentle tone, he sounded peaceful- not too dissimilar to how he once did when they were together and before everything had fallen apart,

"Nothing" he answered quickly, "I'm just thinking",

"About what?" Barty asked again, he then kissed the other's shoulder, but the kiss quickly became a sharp bite,

"Nothing, don't worry about it" the ravenette said with a soft smile, ignoring the pain spreading in his shoulder.

He then turned to look at the Slytherin and he shifted to kiss him softly,

The blonde smirked into the kiss and wrapped his arms tither around Regulus' middle, attempting to pull him down to lie on the bed once more,

"I need to go to the loo" the Black insisted however, managing to stand from the bed with minimal force,

Barty kept a hold of his arm however, his gaze focused on the other's eyes, "Don't be long" and with that he pulled his arm closer for a moment.

The man's tongue slipped from between his lips slowly and lapped the entire expanse of Regulus' dark mark, tasting the skin and the stain strewn across it. When he finally let go of the ravenette's arm, he stayed, staring with a wicked smile at the man from where he lay naked on the bed,

"I'll be right back" he nodded, his expression blank, if not a little grim as he retreated from the room.

Regulus went to the bathroom and closed the door behind him slowly, locking it after a moment's thought. He then stepped over to the sink and looked up to his reflection in the mirror,

This was a lapse, the worst possible lapse he could have had,

Barty seemed to have power over him, power in the form of their history, and he knew exactly how to use it.

0o0o0

I left before he woke, but I didn't leave a letter.


	4. Chapter 4

"-'And now I'm about to do something even more ridiculous than that, something that you'd think was entirely stupid, especially seeing that it's probably going to get me killed'" Remus read, his expression a sullen mixture of sad and confused, "I have discovered the dark lord's secret, he is using an old, dark magic to keep himself alive, at least in part, or rather in _parts_. I know where one such fragment of the Dark Lord's being is. I plan to steal the item and destroy it, hoping that one day the rest will be destroyed also, and that he who must not be named will meet his match once he is mortal once again",

Tonks suddenly let out a loud, deep sniff, drawing the attention of the man reading,

Tears were running down both of her cheeks, and she was also hiccupping silently, picking at the moth bitten duvet beneath her.

"Here" Remus said pulling a handkerchief from his pocket and handing it to her,

"Thank you" she nodded, taking it from him, she then dabbed her eyes and sniffed again, "Keep reading" she said desperately, finally making eye contact with him,

She looked extremely serious, so very unlike herself, and her eyes were rimmed bright red and glistening with tears.

Remus nodded, and looked back to the book "'I never meant for so much to happen, I'm seventeen and I never thought that so much _could_ happen in so little time. The only thing I ask is that you forgive me Sirius. Forgive me for taking the mark and for turning into something awful. But also forgive me the little things, if you will. The stupid brotherly arguments, the times at school when my friends would jeer at you and I'd join in, and all the times I was just a little less than kind to you. Forgive me. I love you my dear brother, and I hope that you can still love me in return. I hope that everything I do from this point on redeems me. R.A.B'" the werewolf then paused again and closed the small book slowly, "Regulus Arcturus Black" he said holding it out,

Tonks looked at him, and with shaking hands took the book from his hand, gripping it tightly,

"My cousin" she frowned, she then pulled her crossed legs up to her torso, holding the book right against her chest,

"Yes" Remus nodded.

"You must have met him, what was he like?" the metamorphmagus asked, looking to him hopefully,

The brunette shrugged helplessly and sighed, "I met him a few times, but I never knew him beyond him just being Sirius' younger brother", after a slight pause he stood from the bed and brushed the fine sprinkling of dust off of his lap, a sign that he had nothing more to say on the subject, whether he wanted to or not.

Tonks took in a raspy breath and looked down to her feet,

He was still as distant as ever, even after sharing that heart-breaking moment with her, even after sharing two in fact, the death of Sirius and learning the truth about Regulus,

There was silence between the two until the girl noticed that Remus hadn't moved since standing- perhaps there was more to say after all.

The werewolf sighed and sat once more, his head finding his hands, "He was a child" came the whisper from between his fingers, "He was a child and he died fighting a terrible evil. It- it's insane",

"It is, it's crazy that a kid tried to take on the Dark Lord all alone" Tonks nodded in response,

At this Remus looked up at her, a disgusted anger on his face now, "No, I mean us. The order. We're insane"

"What do you mean?" she replied, confused, entirely taken aback by his sudden change,

"By the very definition, doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is insane. We think that throwing children into the fray will make a difference, we keep doing it and instead they just become martyrs… and Harry's next" he growled, gesticulating wildly as he did so.

Tonks had nothing to say, but a sick feeling was settling in the pit of her stomach,

"We're insane and sick and Harry will suffer for it" the brunette said bitterly,

"It's not like that Remus, Dumbledore knows what he's doing" she said in response, trying to reassure the man in any way she could,

"Does he?"

The question was harsh.

Silence fell between them again, but it was now thick and almost suffocating to sit in,

"I need to get out of this house" Remus said suddenly, standing from the bed once more,

"What? No" Tonks said quickly kneeling on the bed and trying to get closer to him, she managed to catch his sleeve between her fingers and hold his arm still, her eyes, now blue and sad staring deep into his own hazel eyes,

"Just for a while" Remus told her, "I just need to think",

The man was much calmer now, she could see that, in fact he only seemed desperate to leave.

Slowly, Tonks released her grip on him and sat back on the bed,

"I won't be gone long" the brunette said softly, but he froze on the spot, his eyes fixed on his unmoving hand which was resting on the door handle,

Remus then left the room.

The girl listened as he headed down the stairs and went straight out of the front door- not hesitating for a second longer,

Tonks felt numb, had Remus been right?

Just thinking he was, made her feel sick and guilty and all the more worried that they were fighting a losing battle- _was_ this a battle that they couldn't win?

The metamorphmagus opened the book and skimmed over the small, scratchy writing, reading it again and again, making sure that nothing was missed. She couldn't help but feel terrible for Regulus, the cousin she never met who undoubtedly had experienced things way beyond his age,

Her eyes then fell to the wooden box that still sat at her feet, Sirius' memory box, his 'box of stuff' and a thought suddenly occurred to her,

Tonks jumped up from the bed, her socked feet and clumsy disposition almost sending her flying across the room when she touched down on the ground- but on this occasion, she was in such a rush, so focused and determined, that she recovered almost immediately, instead throwing herself towards the bedroom door.

She thundered down the stairs swiftly, using the banister to swing and shoot herself further downwards,

As she passed the covered portrait of Mrs Black, she heard grumbling and muffled hissing, but luckily she made it past without causing an uproar.

Tonks then slipped into the sitting room, finally stopping when she made it to the centre of the room,

She knew she'd seen it somewhere, somewhere in this room!

She then darted to the mantelpiece and rummaged through the dozens of framed pictures,

Most of the images were of Mrs Black, they were ugly, ugly pictures that Kreacher had saved and snuck back in, putting them back where he had saved them from,

And then she found it, tucked in at the back, in the shadow of the others.

The image showed Sirius and Regulus, both young and full of life,

They were perhaps seven and six, dressed in very smart clothes, the kind that Tonks felt were made just to embarrass children, and most importantly, they were both far too young to know anything beyond their own, and each other's immediate worlds.

They were smiling, laughing with one another, looking like brothers who loved each other and got along,

They were too young to be corrupted, too young to know hate or anger, they were too young to even guess what the future held.

Tonks picked up the picture and opened the back of it, her hands shaking violently as she removed it from the box of glass and wood; walking slowly she then began out of the room, heading back up the stairs and entering Sirius' room once more, moving as if a ghost through the house.

She sat on the bed, cradling the image in her hands, as tears once again started to build in her eyes,

She then took up Sirius' memory box and slowly slipped the photograph inside, lying it over everything else, nestling it with everything else that was important to Sirius.

Tonks wouldn't claim to know anything about death, in fact she would say that perhaps she knew even less than the average person as it was one subject she didn't like to dwell on,

She would say however that she was certain, far more certain than she had ever been about anything else, that somewhere, somehow, Sirius and Regulus were together, and despite the fact that he had never read the confessions of Regulus like she and Remus had, that Sirius knew what his brother had done and that he did indeed forgive him.


End file.
